I’ve been seeing this coming up a lot lately and had a couple people talk to me about it and there’s something I really want to share re: romantic partners and sex work, as someone whose received this type of mistreatment several times in the past. A partner seeing your job as anything other than just that, a job, is a major red flag. If they say they’re reluctantly fine with it but need to know everything about every client you have and everything you do with them for their own “piece of mind”, or if they say they’re totally okay with you being a sex worker but push for an open relationship because “it’s only fair”, if they call your job a “lifestyle”, etc- those are all scenarios that don’t end well. Sex work is just a fucking job, like any other, anyone who sees it as anything more than that is telling you a lot about how they view sex and ownership over people through sex.
It may sound silly but personally I like to use the “waitress test” when it comes to partners and how they view my job, meaning are the questions they ask me about my job ones they would ask if I were still a waitress? Like “When do you think you’ll be back from work tonight and do you need me to pick up dinner?” is a pretty normal question on it’s own, however “How many people are you serving tonight?” “What are they going to order?” “Do you enjoy serving every one?” “Do you have feelings for the people who come into your restaurant?” are incredibly invasive, disrespectful, and antagonistic questions to ask.
Seriously, the best (and only good) relationships I’ve had as a sex worker are with people who have treated my job like any other job, who are there to listen when I need to vent about it (without trying to dictate what I should do), and there to celebrate with me when I hit a particular money goal, and don’t expect a cookie for being with me as a sex worker. And I’m telling you not only do those relationships exist and that you deserve that kind of supportive mutually-respectful relationship, but that is the bare minimum of what you deserve. People gaslight sex workers into believing that mistreatment from partners should be accepted because they “put up” with you being a sex worker, so you should give them something in return or exert even more emotional labour reassuring them about it, but you genuinely dont owe anyone jackshit and you deserve nothing less than someone who respects your autonomy and the way you pay your rent.
You’re a fucking diamond.
I’m gonna appropriate the hell out of the “waitress test,” I ever deign to date for free again. Love love love it.
Stretching the metaphor, but based on my experiences, Imma add:
1) Do they act like pissbabies if you get a great table/regular you truly enjoy dealing with? Is it only “just a job” if you dislike or are neutral about it? 2) Are they upset that you don’t put on your apron to wait on them at home? Conversely, do they insist there are certain things you should only serve them?
I really wish I could be myself . but people are so judgmental towards nudity it’s not even fair sometimes , strippers and pornstars are allowed to be naked and are called beautiful . but someone who actually appreciates the body is being called trashy ..
Have you ever found yourself just sitting watching the time tick on, and you kinda start to feel like you’re waiting for something. But you only feel like you’re waiting for something because you want to give reason to it, to the fact that you’re watching time tick on with no apparent reason to begin with. That’s me right now and it’s sort of funny. At the same time though I feel at ease because I’m high and I have this confirming warm feeling in my chest.
Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avacatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I adopted the new Avacatar, a catbender named Steve. And although his felinebending skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe Steve can save the world.
